I'll meet you at the bridge

My daughter called me today to let me know that my ex-wife is putting my old hunting dog down tomorrow.  Fiona has been suffering some health issues and it seems that she has been mentally stressing lately...a trait that effected her mother as well.

When my marriage fell apart, one of the most painful aspects was losing the dogs.  I was the main reason we had them and nobody took care of them like I did.  But, when I found a new place to live it was initially with a friend who had 3 cats.  That would make it impossible to keep Xena and Fiona for more than a couple days at a time.  I also worried that it was confusing to the dogs.  Why did I not stay with them, why was I only an occasional visitor for them...why did our hunting outings diminish.  My thinking was that it was less stressful for the dogs and my daughters to maintain their stable environments and that I would rebound and rebuild.  Little did I know how deep the impact would be on me.  My daughters could call, text and visit.  The dogs would only see me in passing...and I really missed the snuggling with a warm dog after a long walk in the country.  My ex was as accommodating as I could have hoped, but it was still a pain that wouldn't subside.  5 years later it still causes sadness.  So, tomorrow Sharla will take Fiona to the veterinarian and he will administer a lethal dose to a dog that stood out from her littermates in intelligence and beauty.  She would escape from the whelping box and try to get into the house from the garage while her sibs were content to stay in the box.  Fiona was fast.  Usually a trip to the dog park would find her buzzing past some other dog in full stride and give a little growl as if to tell them that She was there...and in charge.  One day a couple of rescue greyhounds raced past her, she immediately came over sat on my feet and looked at me like it was time to go.  I will miss her...I have missed her...but this may help me to put things behind me and feel less of the loss of my "previous" life.  So, cross that rainbow bridge Fiona.  Look for Xena on the other side, I'm sure she'll be kicking up some pheasants and chasing bunnies.  When my time comes I'll look for you at the bridge.  I love you Fi.

Blinders help

I'm generally pretty happy. I have a stable homelife... I have a job. Doesn't pay much, but then again I don't need much. Sure, I'd love to vacation at my summer home in the Rockies and winter on a Hawaiian beach, but that's not happening any time soon. I have serious aches and pains, but I can walk, talk and see the beauty around me. I also notice the crap.

When I'm walking the prairie with my dogs and soaking up a great day...be it 5 below zero, 70 and perfect or 100^...I feel like I have it all. I'm good with my life. Then I see someone in a brand-new top of the line SUV and I think, "Man I wish I had one of those"... I turn on the TV and watch the latest incarnation of American celebrity feasting on something magnificent and I think how a billion dollars would make it so easy....

If I block it all out...boil things down to what really stirs my soul, I'd be walking in a field with my dogs loving a day under the wide open sky....keeping it simple.

Blinders would help.

really...it's my first time

where to start?

I often have these deep thoughts...quickly countered by, who really gives a rat's ass? I wish I had the drive to live up to all that I could be...quickly followed by, "Who gives a rat's ass?" So with this first Blogg, I will dive into Harry Patch. When I first heard that Harry patch died my thoughts were of a shaving industry running amuck. Then I read about this guy...he was England's last WWI veteran. He only started talking about his memories when he was 100...that gave him 13 years to relive the horrors of trench warfare. I know he must have taken a fair bit of abuse for his name...but he probably did so with good humor. I mean, how do you live to 113 and be sour tempered...that'd be cruel.

OK, so I've busted my Blogg cherry...and ironically I did so thinking about Harry Patch...ironic!